i could save you, baby, but it isn't worth my time

this is the last time i'm going to mention her, i swear, i swear.
god, i miss you so much it's unreal. i've lifted my phone a million times to text you and ask you about your new man, to share this or that piece of gossip, to ask you what i should do about uni and all because i need help so, so much. because we were always good at those parts. the talking and discussing and the laughing and the crying. and god, for a while we were everything to each other and i loved you so, so much. i don't think you'll ever know. the way you loved me was selfish, like a child loves a toy. you wanted all of me, but you wouldn't give me all of you. never. i loved you unconditionally. all i wanted was for you to be happy.
and you used me.
you are untrustworthy, you are a liar, you are manipulative, you are deceitful, you never think anything is ever your fault, you are lazy and feckless and selfish and i hope you burn in hell because no one has ever, ever broken my heart like you did.
i tried. i tried so goddamn hard. i tried even after everything you did when you were going out with my boyfriend's best friend. i tried to give you another chance, but that became another, and another...
it got too much and i couldn't cope with a friendship like that anymore. not when you tell people things that i find painfully embarrassing. not when you try to turn me against the nicest person in the world. to think i nearly lost her because of you. shame on you.
i miss what we had. i feel sorry for you, more than anything else, because deep down i know how unhappy you are. but that is not my fault, and it never will be. and i'm sorry that i can't be who you need me to be. but i've changed too much and this friendship can't survive because you're exactly the same person you always were and will be.

i loved you.

i'm sorry.




goodbye.